how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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