you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
