I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
