Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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