i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
