I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
50% drunk capacity currently
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
