You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
