okay pat passed out under dana's car
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
