Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
