that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
