Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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