Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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