i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
