So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
