My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
