when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
