I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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