the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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