I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
