Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
