I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My vagina just recognized that song.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
