I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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