Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I puked a lego.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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