i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
