ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
