Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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