She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We have started to decorate penises.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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