whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
