I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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