Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
