It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
