We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sorry about my life...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
