I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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