.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
