Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
