There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
