you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
