4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just tell him i said nine months
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
