And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
