"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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