i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
