Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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