he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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