WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
