hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
