i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
