Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
