i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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