I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
