Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How does one acquire holy water?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
