if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
