Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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