U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
