it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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