My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
