i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
