Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I showed him my bush... on skype.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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